A message that makes perfect sense to the sender, despite a distinct lack of co-ordination between their brain, fingers and eyesight. The kind of message which is always of the utmost importance, delivered with the highest expediency, and which will always read back just fine the next day.
But, I hear you ask, what sequence of events might make one clamber aboard the magic beer typewriter? What manner of tavern haunting and amber research could warrant such an action? Here's a few details of my thirst for knowledge over the last few days to put you in the picture....
Wednesday was Wanderians day so we headed up into town with the intention of having a change - and visiting the Sportsman on Cambridge Street. On entering there were two handpumps turned round. Journalistic rigor meant I had to ask if the beer was on, even though it clearly wasn't - and the nice man informed me that Trooper and another real ale would be on tomorrow. Still, that represents a hundred percent increase in the number of real ales in the Sportsman, should it happen.
Mr P was unswayed by the suggestion of Henrys and reluctant to trek to the Bath so we adjournment to DAda. DAda have recently introduced a new concept - comfortable seating. Which means that no matter how hip, pretentious or genuine you are, you needn't sup your ale sat on a fold-able metal chair. Which is nice. To celebrate, we had pints of the rather excellent Thornbridge Otters Tears, brewed for the Indy Man beer conference that everyone but me went to. A perfect hoppy citrus bite and a very drinkable body made for an excellent drink. Mr P moved down a percentage to sup a pint of the Red Willow Headless, whilst I stuck with the tears. I finished on two halves - one of Hardknott Azimuth, which was fantastic, and one of the ever excellent Thornbridge Halcyon.
I say "finished" but in reality Mr P was sensible enough to go home whilst I, labouring under the self delusion of needing to "go sopping" headed to West Street where I accidentally went to the Bath Hotel. Here I had an excellent pint of Pictish Chinook, which was on good form, if steep at £3.40 a go.
Last night as an end of week reward for our having had housemaids knee for 5 days we were supposed to be going to the Tap. Arriving we noticed a party of students carrying massive models of buildings had made passage to the bar almost impossible and there was a bad smell and an even worse atmosphere. So we decamped to the Rutland Arms. We had pints of the excellent Brew Company Oat Stout and sat outside in the beer garden for a chat and some restorative fresh air.
Back inside we noted the Hopcraft New Dawn Fades we'd had our eye on had faded altogether so we had pints of Acorn Bishop IPA. Another Excellent single hop IPA (I imagine Bishop is a hop?) which didn't seem to last very long. So we had another pint, this time accompanied by a half of Magic Rock High Wire which was £2.16 a half on the Keykeg. This 5.5% beer was on top form and not served too cold, so didn't really last very long. So much so in fact that we had to order another half, along with some food - a plate of Italian cheese, meat, olives and bread which was much needed.
We had been sat upstairs but as the pub was less busy we headed down to commandeer the juke box and to buy several more pints of High Wire. For our final rounds, Miss N stayed on the High Wire and I moved onto Hop Studio XS which was also on fine form. It was nice to bump into the Sheffield Sound Collective (Pete, Dan, Mark, Daniel and Vinnie) and friends who were back from seeing seminal 90's band Cud. We hooked up with them for the last hour before having a final round of drinks and getting a rather inexpensive taxi home.
And yes, as you may have guessed, somebody did make the mistake of trying to send a text. As you do when you've had about 7 pints. And it was every bit as nonsensical as the words in the post title. In fact, it virtually was the post title....
Note - if you can suggest 3 English words that I might have been attempting to text then you, and indeed I, could win the prize of knowledge......